


On Being

by wellthen



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018), Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Crossover, Gen, Healing, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Road Trips, Self-Discovery, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:33:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24937606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wellthen/pseuds/wellthen
Summary: Steven knew leaving Beach City would be hard and painful. In a lot of ways that was kind of the point. “Healing and self discovery,” as his therapist said via video call,“involve a great deal of growth and change. Which can be painful.“What he hadn’t expected, which he still wasn’t expecting every morning when he woke up in the backseat tucked in his Cookie Cat sleeping bag, was how ambiguous it all was.Was this what he was supposed to be doing?
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Steven Universe/Catra
Comments: 1
Kudos: 35





	On Being

Steven sits on the beach and stares at the water, his bare feet digging into the sand. 

“Purpose. Self discovery. Enlightenment.” He thought.

“I miss the gems. I miss Connie. I miss my dad. I miss Lion.” He also thought.

A seagull cawed.

A little pebble was sticking to the inside of his jeans. It was kind of cold.

Nothing else happened. Which was fine, totally fine. Or, not fine, that’s wallpapering over your emotions but it was —it just was. The moment happened. Every moment just kept happening. 

These moments are all part of the process, he reminded himself. 

The process of self discovery.

It was happening. In the moments. Probably. 

Steven knew leaving Beach City would be hard and painful. In a lot of ways that was kind of the point. “Healing and self discovery,” as his therapist said via video call,  
“involve a great deal of growth and change. Which can be painful.“

What he hadn’t expected, which he still wasn’t expecting every morning when he woke up in the backseat tucked in his Cookie Cat sleeping bag, was how ambiguous at all was. 

Was this what he was supposed to be doing?

If not, what was the thing he should be doing? 

Could it be anything? 

Was there a place he should be going, a thing he should be trying, a skill he should be developing?

Beyond his carefully planned itinerary there were a variety of daily opportunities for ambiguity, for choice. 

They made the expanse of his unplanned time easy to fill with nothing, driving along thinking only: is this what I should be doing right now?

His therapist said in those moments he should try to pause, to focus on being.

To just be Steven Universe.

The problem was, it kind of hurt to be Steven Universe, whoever he was, whatever he wanted. 

It hurt because so much of Steven Universe was blank. 

An absence, an expanse, like the soybeans along the highway in Illiana. 

Sometimes when the weight of being Steven Universe was a lot he tried to sing. 

Not any of his usual songs, those hurt too much. We’re not the crystal gems. He had too much in common with Cookie Cat. Seeing a giant woman too many times is what got him into this mess. 

So Steven listened to the goofy acoustic Christian music on the radio (Is this about love for Jesus or love for a girlfriend? He always wondered). He hummed along to the harmony “ooo”s in the background and sang along with the extended foreverrrrrr at the end of most of the choruses.

He counted down the days until he met up with Connie and Lion on their college visits. He said the Gems silly postcards from Kansa, North Nebraska, Illiana. 

And now he was here at this cold sleepy lake beach. 

No salt and no sun, so different from the one he had grown up next to. 

The sky seemed stuck on gray here, and he needed two hoodies just to get close to the waves. 

He stuck his toes in the water, yelled, ran out, stuck a toe back in, shivered.

It was hard to know all of this was right, but it hurt, and would keep hurting, even while it was right. It was hard to be alone, but also a relief. 

The relief part made everything else confusing. 

He was Steven freaking Universe! 

He loved people! He cared about them! It was how he had saved the planet and the universe, multiple times!

But being around people (and gems) hadn’t been making him feel better. It definitely wasn’t making him feel better at the end, turning pink and glowy and hurting everyone around him.

“It’s hard, but it can be helpful to embrace contradictions, “his therapist suggested before he left. “Moments when you feel most torn up by them, take a second to experience that moment, to pause. Listen. That’s when you can learn the most.”

So Steven was on the beach. 

Experiencing the moments. 

A moment finally happened where Stephen really wished he had brought another protein shake or even a PB&J with him from the car. 

He turned around to leave and saw a girl about his age. She was, presumably, part cat, based on her tail and the face she was making at the water. She shivered in a red leather jacket, her arms crossed. 

“Are you getting in? You look like one of the ones that get in.“ she said. 

Stephen smiled at her politely, not overly loving and joyful, but not cold either. An appropriate smile for his emotions. probably. 

“What?” 

She shivered and hunched her shoulders over a little more.

“I said, you look like one of the ones that get in. Every now and then some little white guy comes along, takes off all of his protective clothes and dives in. They swim out there forever, I can’t believe none of them have died.”

She sounded half incredulous, half disturbed.

Steven smiled. This smile was definitely a reflection of how he was feeling.

It made it easier for him to do more things that reflected how he was feeling.

“I’m Steven,” he said. 

“Catra,” she said, not unhunching her shoulders or uncrossing her arms, but smiling back.

“My friends and I have been hoping to talk to you, Steven. We’re from a planet that just got returned to this dimension after a long time, and everyone seems to say that you’re the guy to talk to.”

Steven considered this for a moment. He tried to unstick the rogue pebble inside of his pant leg with his big toe.

“Okay,” he said. “ but it’s starting to rain. Do you want to go somewhere a little warmer?”

She nodded. “Is it okay if I bring a friend?”

A translucent catlike being descended from behind the dunes.

“Gratitude. Cautious Optimism. Hope.” They said, more or less.

Steven smiled. 

Maybe it was okay to be Steven Universe sometimes. 

Whoever that was.


End file.
